he was CRYING into my vagina
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
