It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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