I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
