So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
