Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
