Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
