if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
