Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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