who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
