i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
