My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
