just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
