thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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