some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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