Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
