I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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