Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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