Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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