Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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