I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
