Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
