Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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