TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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