apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
