Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
