You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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