well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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