He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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