My room smells like vodka and shame
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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