we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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