we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
