How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
