so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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