There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
