I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
