i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
