Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
