aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
