Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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