I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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