I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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