What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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