Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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