I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
