Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
