Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
