I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
