Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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