his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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