last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
