period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
