Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
