I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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